Being raised in a Catholic environment, I simply followed through the motions of undertaking “Religious deeds” I thought were necessary in life. Back then, I simply knew God intellectually.
During my elementary years people considered me as a good model. I was God-fearing and an intelligent boy because I was an honor student since preschool until my graduation in the elementary education. I aspired to be in the honor list because I simply wanted revenge to those who bullied me due to my skinny and petite physique.
Nonetheless, my high school years were exciting and so challenging because it was the first time that I went to travel everyday far from home just to go to school. My first day was a distress because I was placed in a lower section (which I consider a debasing section). Thereby, I did my best to excel in order for me to be transferred to the higher unit. Few months later, I was transferred to the advanced section where I met new classmates and friends. However, temptation has its way of ruining my high school ambitions. During that year, because of my first time away from the family I learned gambling and it became my hobby. Shortly, my curious mind lingered to profane thoughts and habits that later ruined my admirable school performance.
During high school days I had a bible study session every Saturday handled by one religion. Their approach of teaching was more on reading the Bible. In truth, I was quite amused by their way of inspiring others. However, joining the group was never a selfless act. I only did it to glorify myself and for everyone to think that I was a decent soul. I did not put in heart the gospel they were preaching because I was never interested in the first place.
Another inducement flooded when I was in fourth year high school. When my childhood friends invited me to drink liquor, I never had the courage to say “No” due to peer pressure. When I was beginning to get drunk, I surprisingly quite enjoyed it.
It was in my first year in college when I started seeking for contentment and belongingness and so I joined many school groups. I joined the fraternity, Karate Club and even school religious organization. When I become a frat member I beat students almost to death in the hazing initiation right because I find it amusing. I didn't thought about the welfare of the person. I become arrogant because I have a group and I belong to a Karate club. I did not mind my attitude; I was very conceited and selfish.
In my search of happiness and serenity I committed more relationship. It was always from one woman to another. I had different relationships with women and I also engaged to premarital sex. I had been into multiple vices; like drinking alcoholic beverages, smoking, gambling and even drugs.
I thought I could be happy and satisfied, but I was so wrong. There was no contentment. I was unaware that I was ruining my life. I felt miserable and lonely. I always asked God about my problems but my heart and mind were too calloused to listen to His calls.
Thus, even with my impious attitude, God never abandoned me. I graduated with a degree in college and found a promising job after few months of graduation.
On the later part of my life, I became a college instructor. At first it was difficult because of my young age but after a few months I became comfortable of my work. Nevertheless, my attitude and immoralities as an instructor did not change. I always get drunk and I still engaged in unwanted relationships. Unfortunately, I had a relationship with one of my students. We committed premarital sex and it caused her to bear a child. Regrettably, we decided to abort the baby to protect my career and her studies.
The incident haunted me day and night. After a few months, we broke up. A week after, I engaged again to another relationship. It was different from my past flames because this time I was looking forward to settling down. Unfortunately, my plan of marriage was ruined when I found out that my girlfriend was involved with another man. Because of what happened, I became more aggressive to worldly endeavors until it came to the point that I left my Job. I never thought that God would still be there for me because even when I abandoned my work, I was still not fired.
After almost three years of work, I decided to seek another employment. I explored and continued my search for pleasure and satisfaction.
By April 2013 I found a job in a government agency. During my 1st year of work, I still allowed the worldly feats run my life. Until one faithful day in April 2014, a new employee was hired in our institution and we become office mates. My worldly desire for a companion made me want to pursue her. I tried to court her but I never expected that she would flunk me notwithstanding my prodigious effort of wooing her. However, despite my perseverance, she invited me to attend in a church service where she was attending. I told her that I would join the service but I didn't go.
One day, we talked one on one and she finally told me that she doesn't like to have an intimate relationship with me but we can still be “good friends”. In addition, she was honest enough say that she doesn’t like me. Normally, I would ignore that kind of situation, but I didn't expect that it would hurt me so much it made me cry. I could not explain the feeling I was experiencing. I was hurt and it was painful.
Somehow, I also felt guilty about what happened because I knew that I was also at fault. And so I apologized and she was kind enough to forgive me. I was so glad that I forgot about the aching it caused me. Nevertheless, I could not help but think about the incident. It was right then that I began to wonder the kind of woman she was.
Unexpectedly, I decided to join the godly service. At first, I tried to attend but there were so many hindrances. I failed to be there in the service the second time. Few weeks later, I came to the realization that there was indeed something missing in my life.
For the third time, I made sure to attend Sunday Fellowship. I assured that nothing can stop me because I was hopeful I would find the answers and contentment that I was looking for my entire life.
When the door opened, I felt the need and God’s calling. It was a warm feeling of desire and belongingness. All my life, I never thought that the answers to my questions would be solved. Finally, the Lord took over and filled that missing part of me.
I felt His amazing love comforting me. I displayed a calloused attitude because of my sacrilegious actions before but the Lord never deserted me. He was faithful enough to call and lead me into his unfailing arms. I then became aware of my disobedience and my perversity brought me to shame.
Now I believe in God and His Son Jesus Christ. My personal encounter with Him made me a better person inside and out. I can proudly say, “He is the only piece that can complete us”. I am not perfect but with God in my life, no one can stop me from believing in Him, serving Him and glorifying his name. Life without God is nothing.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”(John 15:5).
Sincerely,
Kenneth Calva
Kenneth Calva
