A heartfelt spoken words "I love you" are always an uplifting feeling. Many are lost in words and more in actions but the most passionate moment of every persons dream is the intention of a pure and sincere love that comes from above.
-Shiya Tamasao
I know for a fact that I have always thought of relationships as a turn off in many ways. I was once a man-hater and it took long to finally obliterate the bad practice of hating men. However, despite my problems, I admit that I also aspired for amorous fondness but I never expected it to be complicated and somehow unexpected.
To love someone because of lecherous desire is not love at all. It's revolting and deeply disappointing in all aspects. The only word I can come up now is stressed. I feel like I was too impatient that I disregarded God's guidance and warning. I heard the Holy Spirit loud and clear in my heart but to wonder why I disobeyed is my biggest question in mind.
In truth, I should be happy right now but I'm not. I have so many doubts and hesitations. If only I could turn back the time and said "No" instead of a "Yes". Nonetheless, to hurt someones' feelings is not an easy task. It's tiring, utterly terrifying and very disappointing. I know I cannot love someone halfheartedly but I need to make a choice. A strenuous option if I may. Only time can tell how this will end. I know I made a terrible mess, I concede I am also to blame. Yet I also want to give myself a chance. A chance to think things over and over and over and over and over and over again.
In truth, I should be happy right now but I'm not. I have so many doubts and hesitations. If only I could turn back the time and said "No" instead of a "Yes". Nonetheless, to hurt someones' feelings is not an easy task. It's tiring, utterly terrifying and very disappointing. I know I cannot love someone halfheartedly but I need to make a choice. A strenuous option if I may. Only time can tell how this will end. I know I made a terrible mess, I concede I am also to blame. Yet I also want to give myself a chance. A chance to think things over and over and over and over and over and over again.
I pray each day to heal this brokenness. To start a new life and for God to turn this mess into a rainbow because right now I am deeply saddened by the mischievous turn of event.
However, I do not lose hope. If the purpose for me is to realize my setbacks then I choose to think of these trials as "Lessons Learned" not a mistake.
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