I came across this wonderful blog article on facebook about waiting for someone who will give you that real love. Not settling for a boy who doesn't know how to treat you right in the first place.It made me cry. The letter was simple but it touched my heart so deeply. It made me realize what I was really missing.
Just a reminder to us ladies that it's never too late to wait for that godly man who will really love and care for us.
Dear whom
it may concern,
You deserve
the best. I mean it with all my heart, with all my soul. A soul
mate; someone who we are beyond thrilled to meet. We are thrilled to
know where we will meet them, how we will meet them and most importantly, what
they are like. We wonder if we will meet them in college or in a place we
aren’t even aware exists yet. In the absolutely cheesiest way
possible, we are thrilled to know whose name will be beside ours on
our wedding invitations, whose name will be beside ours on our
child’s birth certificate, whose pillow will be beside ours come morning.
We are thrilled to know our soul mate, but let’s start being thrilled without
anxiety. Let’s start being thrilled while resting in who our God is. Let’s be
thrilled knowing that if they are indeed our soul mate, our souls will indeed
mate.
We love to
fall in love. We love to be liked, to be noticed, to be desired. I am not
talking about young girls in general. I am not even talking about women in
general. I am talking about human beings in general. We love to love and even
more, love to be loved. Our problem today is that we are settling. We are
settling for men that hold doors behind them instead of in front of them. We
are settling for surface level relationships when we should be seeking deeper
conversations, deeper moments. We are settling for, “talking,” for “things”
when we should have an, “if you know, you know, let’s do something about this
or I’ll be on my way,” kind of mindset. We are texting. We
are snapchatting. We are liking each others’ Instagram posts.
Let’s not settle for social media flirtation. If they really like you, they will
like the real you more than the social media you. We are settling for
a twenty-first century relationship when we should be seeking an
everlasting love.
We should not
be throwing in the towel simply because we realize they snort when
they laugh, sing too loudly in the car or snore when they sleep. We are people.
We are a lovely mess and masterpiece all at once. We should not be
expecting a man without flaws, as he should not be expecting a woman without
them. We should not be giving up because we are fighting every once in a
while. Because in every relationship worth something, there will be fights
about anything and everything. We should not be giving up because the other
person in the relationship is simply human. We should not be expecting a
perfect man, but a respectable and loving one.
We should be
expecting a gentleman. We should be expecting men who come from women who have
raised them right and not settling for anything less. We should be expecting
treatment fueled from our God’s love for us and not our generation’s
standards. There is no perfect man out there, but there is man who will be
perfect for you. There is a laugh that will create a beautiful harmony
when aligned with yours. There are eyes that will tear up when they view you in
a white dress. There are hands that will hold you when you have had enough and
feet that will dance with you in the kitchen on a Monday night.
Love is a two
way street. We should be treated how we have desired to be treated throughout
our whole lives and also be willing to return this treatment to them
as well. You cannot expect a breathtaking love story if he is the only
one writing it, nor should he expect one if you are the only
author. Don’t believe the lies the world tries to tell you when you begin
to believe that a kind, passionate and Christ like man is unrealistic. Do not
believe them when they tell you, you are living in a fantasy world, because you
crave a more meaningful relationship than the rest of the world. You simply
have higher standards than the others and you will one day see the great
gift of high standards convert into a high valued relationship.
Relationships
end. We cannot be looking forward to a full life while simultaneously looking
forward to a life of no heartbreak, no heartbreaking and no lessons learned.
They end, you cry, you hurt, you go on. . They often end solely
because it was not meant to be. Maybe your senses of humor do not line up.
That’s no one’s fault. Maybe you’re too outgoing for him. That’s no one’s
fault. On the other hand, relationships have the potential of ending
when one or two involved in the relationship were not putting in their
best effort. There is the option of settling when you are putting in 100% while
he is putting in 20% at most. There is the option of seeing what is in front of
you, being too scared that no one else will love you like they do, and staying
out of fear. When you settle, your sadness, your absence of fulfillment, your
emptiness is no longer his problem, it is yours. Yes, blunt and rough; it
is yours. We can blame others mistakes and lack of love on them, but when we
stay in these places of comfort, we are hurting ourselves more.
You do not
deserve a twenty-first century relationship. You don’t deserve
a relationship centered on read receipts or likes on social media. You deserve
a relationship centered on Love, a relationship centered on something greater
than the two of you combined. You do not deserve to be cheated on, under any
circumstances, ever. You deserve someone who would never think of leaving you,
seriously. You deserve to be appreciated, not judged for the intelligent,
beautiful, worthy of love, human that you are. You don’t deserve to be
embarrassed by rude tipping habits. You deserve to be proud of all that your
partner is. You do not deserve to feel like the only one in the
relationship. You deserve to feel like there is another person, also putting
100% in on the other side. You don’t deserve a car honk or a text. You deserve
a doorbell ring. You do not deserve to be treated less than. You deserve to be
treated like the most important human in the world.
Do not sell
yourself short. Do not be afraid. Because if it is not who you are with, he is
even better. No matter how hard that is to believe, God’s greatest gifts are
upgrades. Know that if he won’t, someone else will. If he won’t treat you like
you believe you should be and desire to be treated, that does not mean that no
one ever will. You should not feel like you are settling at any point. If you
are settling, you are better off alone. If he is unfaithful, you are
better off alone. If he is treating you in a way below your expectations and
your standards, you are better off alone.
Know that if
he isn’t kind to waiters, there is someone who is. If he doesn’t shake hands
and make good eye contact, there is someone who does. If he doesn’t pull your
chair out for you, someone else will. If he cancels on you often, there is
someone who will be there ten minutes early. If he is constantly red
faced and yelling, there is someone who finds no need to do so. If he
doesn’t walk you to the door because it is too outdated, know there is someone
who believes the exact opposite. If he doesn’t remember small details, know
there is a relationship in which you will find yourself surprised as to how
much they know about you. If he doesn’t go out of his way, know there is
someone else who will.
If
you wouldn’t marry them, don’t date them. That’s one of my biggest pieces of
advice from my seventeen year old single self. If you wouldn’t want
to wake up to their face personality, each day, seven days a
week, for the rest of your life, don’t waste your time now. If you wouldn’t
want your kids to be just like them, don’t waste your time now. Wait for
someone you would never associate the word, “settle,” with. Wait instead of
settling. Wait because there is someone who will look at you in a way you
didn’t know was possible. Wait because there is something greater, a
relationship between soul mates, and not just, “loved to be loved,” young
people. Wait because there is someone who would never allow you to settle. Wait
because if he won’t, someone else will.
All rights reserved © Shiya Tamasao 2016
January 5, 2016
